The Long Green Blade

High and not dry

2006-12-14T18:20:00.000+08:00

One morning, on the way back to office after a meeting, I dropped by SS3 to wallop the 2nd best pork mee in the world.

Forty-five minutes later … (for I had to wait 30 minutes for the pork mee to arrive at my table)

So I got into my car and drove down the one way road. At the T-junction, a police car suddenly stopped there to question a motorcyclist. Inconsiderate policemen. Just because they want to “earn” some dough from the motorcyclist, do they have to block my way?

Looking at my watch, I knew if I waited for them to complete their “business deal”, I’d be late for work. So I stared right into one of the policemen and with my powerful right arm, I waved my hand from left to right violently in an effort to make him move his car. He looked at me, slight shocked as I bet he had never been asked by civilians to move before.

He reluctantly moved his car to let me pass. I stared at him one more time before making a left to the main road. I felt like a superhero that morning.

From then onwards, every time there was a road block, I never wound my window down. I always kept it up and looked pissed with the policemen. Even at times, when I was quite pissed drunk too. They would still let me pass. Maybe because psychologically, when the window is up, the policemen would think that you are okay and could be on your way safe and sound.

Usually, maybe psychologically also, when you are drunk, you tend to roll down your window to smile at the policemen to show that you are alright, not drunk and can still smile. Chances are, if you are drunk, they could smell alcohol on you and poof, there goes RM50!

Last weekend, I was pretty high. There was a road block. I kept my window up, looked pissed and was waved to go home. It worked. Numerous times.

Tips during a road block: Keep your window up. Look brutal. You are on your way home with RM50 still intact in your wallet.

The third remake of the debut novel

2006-12-14T17:29:00.000+08:00

The third remake of the debut novel

So I finally watched Casino Royale. And here's what I think.

Casino Royale

Incidentally, Casino Royale was the first book written by Ian Fleming and have been made into two very different films before Cambodia hit independence. First, in 1954, it was made into a television episode and then, in 1967, a spoof headlined by Peter “Pink Panther” Sellers and Orson “Citizen Kane” Welles, who played the villain Le Chiffre. Probably a good movie, I would think.

Many, myself included, questioned the choice of the new Bond. Although Brosnan did a pretty good job, I realised that I could never quite remember what happened in Die Another Day safe for the fact that Sophie Marceau looked incredibly hot -----wait, wasn’t she in The World Is Not Enough? Well, you get what I mean. So was Halle Berry in Die Another Day then? Never mind. Eva Green’s hotter.

The first official non-bootleg trailer did not stir nor shake me.

The second trailer, however, did. No gadgets. No invisible cars. Just pulsating action. And, of course, a brutal Bond.

Daniel Craig is not the typical James Bond stereotyped in people’s head – suave, leng chai, don’t look like an ape at certain angles... BUT, he gave James Bond an update. A fresh new look of how a James Bond should be - a super spy who shouldn’t look too good because surely would distract the villains. And he can really, really act.

Even though the airbags on the Aston Martin DBS did not work, and even though I was super jealous with the dealer who pocketed a cool 1 million, and even though there were a lot of filming mistakes in the film, I urge you not to compare Craig with the previous Bonds. I urge you to sit back and enjoy the excellent ride.

Think about it. IF Woody Allen played the first Bond, would we be complaining today? The problem with us is that we tend to think the first choice is always the best choice. Thus, we keep comparing to history.

So what do I think? I give it a 9/10 – an additional point for the scene where Bond coolly passes a $1 million chip to the dealer.

Reviews

2006-09-15T11:36:00.000+08:00

Thank you Porky Queen and Myron for the messages.

Movie review time again.

You, Me & Dupree

The tagline suggests “Two’s a company, Dupree’s a crowd”. Suppose I read between those lines and suggest that it could also refer to Owen Wilson’s acting career, would I be wrong?

As far as we are concerned, Owen was known for his buddy movies – Shanghai Noon, Shanghai Knights, Meet The Parents, Meet The Fockers, Starsky & Hutch and the irresistible Wedding Crashers. Perhaps this time, he wants to carry a movie on his own. And how well he does it, I must say.

Easily one of the better films of 2006, You, Me & Dupree certainly caught me by surprise. It is funny. It is lively. And more importantly, it has a good story.

The story develops smoothly and very soon you feel for Dupree (Owen Wilson). Both Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson (she is so hot in this film!) play their roles effectively too. Matt Dillon, usually wooden in acting, plays Carl well as a guy who suppresses his feelings but when the time comes, he unleashes what Dupree calls the “Carlness” – a form of release, not necessarily accompanied by violence.

And Kate may not have the greatest body, but the way she portrays her character makes her gorgeous. I guess, at the end of the day, it’s what inside that makes you beautiful.

I’d rate this movie a 7/10. Go watch it and discover the ness in you.

Little Man

I normally do not like to shoot down a movie. Why? Having studied film and television back in college, I know that making a movie incur a lot of stress, planning and patience. I therefore take my hat off to all film and television directors out there.

BUT.

Little Man is distasteful, unfunny and a total waste of time. And I paid RM6 to watch it.

I’d rate this movie a 2/10. 2 only because Kerry Washington acted in it and I had popcorn.

On a lighter note …

Funniest thing I read today:

“I dragged his sister into it so today I can apologise to his sister. I am not ashamed of what I said because these things happen and I would never have reacted in the same way. I am happy to give him the address of my house in Chieti where we can meet. I can give him my shirt and we can shake hands. FIFA can take a nice photograph.”
Marco Materazzi making a bid for the Nobel Peace Prize over the Zidane incident.

Movies and music

2006-09-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

Time to review movies.

Nacho Libre

Jack Black is multi-talented. He can run along the beach (a la Baywatch), sport any accent or hairdo, sing and act. And I am pretty sure he can eat like a cow. Nacho Libre is Jack Black at his best. The great thing about him is that he is not afraid to look silly in his films. Or disgusting, for the matter.

Nacho Libre is honest. It's the best thing you can ever find in movies - that they never try hard to be something else.

Basic Instinct 2 – Risk Addiction

The title itself says it all. Director Michael Caton-Jones and actress Sharon Stone probably have an addiction to risk on their career. Previously, Sharon Stone played a (minor role) stepmother in the movie Alpha Dogs where her performance was often overshadowed by young Justin Timberlake. So is Basic Instinct 2 her comeback film? The answer is no. A boring no. The film is dull and Stone spends most of her time trying to be sexy and bad. The whole mind-fucking acting she tries to impose does not even move the weaker minds.

There was a scene where she did no justice to her now-famous leg-crossing scene in Basic Instinct. She pulls a chair. With her long sexy right leg, she swings it over and sits like she is the coolest thing on earth. Nothing could be “seen” because the back of the chair faced the camera. As for the nude scenes, well, Basic Instinct was far better. In other words, I didn’t reach for my control button to press “Rewind”.

The Benchwarmers

I thought that this movie was going to be a dud. I mean, come on, Rob Schneider? How can he ever go right in his movies? Take a look at Deuce Bigalow and its sequel. At the same time, why not take a look at all his forgettable guest appearances in Cable Boy, 50 First Dates, The Longest Yard etc. Well, you know what I mean.

After the movie, boy, was I wrong! First, Schneider plays a serious role! That alone is unforgettable. Second, the movie is fun, entertaining and funny. It’s a warm movie with good values – a note to bullies out there. Totally worth the watch, dude!

Dragon Tiger Gate

Hmm … for this Cantonese action-kung fu flick, I’ll just do a “Good” versus “Bad” analysis. Since this comic book cum movie is all about the good and the bad, I am thinking, “Why not?”

Good

The action choreography by Donnie Yen is simply breathtaking. That’s about it.

Bad

The storyline is lame. The acting is all about me being ultra cool with strands of hair covering the side of my face. And why is Shawn Yue’s hair white colour?

Bottom line

If you must, just watch it for the kung fu.

Time for music.

I came across some pretty good music the past month which was filled with working on weekends and missing the sunset.

Noteworthy artistes worth checking out are The Pipettes (thank you Tim), Thom Yorke’s solo album, Antony & The Johnsons, The New Pornographers, Radja’s Takkan Melupakanmu is awesome, Regina Spektor, Thursday, Peter, Bjorn & John, Placebo’s excellent latest album, Nelly Furtado and Jessica Simpson’s The Public Affair. Yes, call me whatever but I simply love Simpson’s new song.

More to come definitely. Until then, good day and good night!

Paradise

2006-08-30T17:55:00.000+08:00

There are two things I want to write about:
1) Perhentian Island
2) Aston Villa

Last Thursday, 24 August 2006 (I'm putting this down so I'll not forget the date), I, for the first time ever, left office at 5pm sharp. My brothers picked me up and went to Brian's girlfriend's house where I freshened up. We then left for The Mall. We whacked KFC for dinner while waiting for Steph. Once she arrived, we walked to Hentian Putra and boarded a bus (Mutiara Express) that took us straight to Kuala Besut after 7 hours.

In the bus, I couldn't sleep for Steph kept treating me like her enemy like that. Stabbing my shoulder with her chin lah, kicking my innocent legs lah etc. Still, she managed to sleep while I barely did. At about 1.30am, the bus made a pitstop at this place where buses made pitstops. We went for teh tarik and milo tarik respectively.

At 5am, we reached Kuala Besut, Terengganu - the jetty. So from 5am to 9am, we just whacked breakfast and talked nonsense.

Finally, after a very bumby boat ride, we reached the island at about 11am. Check-in time was 12.30pm so what else, waited some more. We met a couple who were on the same package as us. So as we wait for our room to be ready, we talked rubbish with them.

The hotel room at Bubu Long Beach was nice and cosy. And the view, oh the view, from our balcony was simply breathtaking. Check it out!

We walked along the sandy white beach and the crystal clear water was very inviting. It's so beautiful and we wished we didn't have to go back. So the 3D/2N stay was spent literally in the sun and in the sea. It was paradise. And my feet got barbequed. Weird, isn't it?

Leaving on Sunday evening was difficult. We had to say bye bye to the friendly local folks, to the beach and the sea. Hours later, we were on the flight back to KL from Kota Bahru (we whacked Ayam Percik there by the way). The only thing we both regretted was not spending 4D/3N. Never mind, next year we'll return to paradise.

And on Sunday, while I was wondering how my feet got toasted at the airport, I got an SMS from Brian: Villa 2 up!

You know, I have been supporting Villa since 1995 and for the first time ever, I am feeling very good about the season. Hope this words do not jinx their next performance or the next and the next. Martin O'Neill, cheers to you! It's going to be an exciting season.

Papahood

2006-08-04T14:20:00.000+08:00

I've been writing so much about parenting, nutritional benefits for children's growing-up needs, quality pre-school education and the various intelligences in children the past few weeks that I think I am ready to be a daddy. And mummy no need to worry.

Provided, of course, that my first child is a human and not a furry cute animal a la puppy.

Sometimes, it's good to think ahead. At least, gives me the motivation to work harder.

Side mirrors

2006-07-24T19:27:00.000+08:00

Before I launch into another boring post, I'd like to take a moment to thank all of you for the birthday wishes, lovely presents and a great time last weekend. Thank you all from the bottom of my 26-year-old heart.

Anway, I was driving back to office this evening when I spotted a modified Mitsubitshi Evolution VIII. This car has got weird side mirrors shaped like squashed pears or something. This made the car to look out of proportion. Like a T-Rex, big body with small arms.

It was then that I realised that side-mirrors do give cars a personality. Somehow they make cars look good or bad or weird. A good side mirror has to be rectangular in shape and the length has to be just nice - neither long or short. It shouldn't be too fat either. It should be quite slim and sleek.

So, the next time, you want give your car a "Need For Speed" transformation, please don't ignore the importance of side mirrors. They really do give your ride an aesthetic value.

When you are young

2006-07-18T17:47:00.000+08:00

One thing I have learnt from working in advertising is to compress my words. Make them short and straight to the point. Keep it short, stupid! Cliche right? I think so too.

Okay.

Today's post is about The Killer's latest single 'When you are young' (to be released in September, a month prior to their long-awaited follow-up album 'Sam's Town'). I'll try to not write in long, long sentences. I'll keep it short and simple and will try to do so from now on. Oops, I just contradicted myself there!

Anyway.

Here goes nothing.

The Killers are back! To listen, goto www.thekillersmusic.com now. Hurry, before our radio overplays it!

Crucial

2006-06-30T20:51:00.000+08:00

The whole world is talking about the World Cup. So let's talk about World Cup.

I won't talk about matches. I won't touch on predicting who's going to go home with the cup. I want to touch on something very crucial to me and people who feel the same way.

What the bloody hell are we going to do after the World Cup?

I'm With Stupid

2006-04-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

Come 8th May 2006, I am going to sit around doing nothing and begin cursing words like censored stuff on why the hell am I not in London!

08.05.06. I'll be sitting here in Msia ...

... and wondering how the f*** it sounds like on radio!!!

Pet Shop Boys' 1st single in three years! Put a cow in me and call me Fat!

'I'm With Stupid' is inspired by the relationship between Tony Blair and George Bush. Full of his graceful wit, Neil Tennant sings, "Call you every day/ Fly across the ocean/ Just to let you get your way/ No one understands me/ Where I'm coming from/ Why would I be with someone/ Who's obviously so dumb?" (Text taken from www.arjanwrites.com)

I thought I could listen to the single on petshopboys.co.uk (the single streams on that site) but it kept buffering, having sound and then no sound and then sound again. Then I clicked again to reload and the same problem! It's the damnest thing.

Jim

2006-04-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

I just opened blogger and clicked on 'new post'. But, I have no idea what to write. Maybe I should think more about things outside work.

Just when I thought I should stop buying CDs because got to take care of Jim (name of my new old SLK - Small Little Kancil), they* had to come out with new albums this month.

*Flaming Lips, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Snow Patrol, and Placebo

Thanks to broadband, I could easily download the albums but it's against a stupid policy of mine. Those who know me well will know why I always buy original CD and pirated DVD. So yeah I still will not download the albums. I cannot stand not getting the albums but I will try. I guess I won't think too much about it.

Oh, finally we got ASTRO running again! One of the happiest days of my life - and my mum's. She's crazy about Chinese series. I'm crazy about the music and sports channels. Therefore, we are crazily happy.

Finally, I can bade bye bye to the work computer. Ever since a colleague left the company, I have been wondering when his computer would be passed on to my good hands. It's much faster (an AMD 1.3) than mine (Pentium 2). Opening documents will be much faster and lag-less.

Jim has been a good. That's why I spoil him to bits. Last week, I bought a steering lock, a gorgeous silver-toned film strip to keep the sun's ray from hitting my eyes, and new floor carpet to replace the old, messed up one. Also, I am glad I bought a Kancil considering fuel prices have increased. The other day I calculated and came up with this:

RM37 or 19.3 litres give me approximately 300 km. That's about 12 sen per km. Litre-wise, that's 15.5 km to a litre. Not bad huh? If smart forfour promises 5.9L/100km (combined cycle), then Jim guarantees 6.5L/100km. When smart promised that, the car was driven in Europe which meant testing on roads NOT like Subang SS19, LDP, KL's Jalan Tun Razak, Jalan Ampang and all other major roads, and Federal Highway.

Yes, I know I am being defensive. What to do, if I bought a Subaru Impreza, I would think of ways to say that the fuel-inefficient Impreza is damn bloody fuel efficient.

What have I done to deserve this?

2006-03-30T15:19:00.000+08:00

Every time I try to eat something, it hurts. Every time I laugh, it hurts. Every time I brush my teeth, it hurts.

I wish the ulcers would just go away.

Having ulcers, not one but several, really stings. Especially when there are a few sitting on my lower left inside cheek, one sitting on my lower right, and a few relaxing around my upper right inside mouth, it really, really sucks.

Two nights ago, had pizza and it was a painful experience. Yesterday afternoon, had pork noodles with colleagues, I didn’t even enjoy it!

I did some research on mouth ulcers. I was afraid I could be diagnosed with Hand, Foot, Mouth disease even though my hands and feet are fine. Now, according to mouthulcers.org, ulcers can develop in the inner cheek, inner lip, tongue, soft palate, floor of the mouth, and sometimes the throat due to several reasons:

1) Lack of sleep
2) Stress
3) Too much alcohol drinking
4) Eat too much spicy food
5) Drink little water
6) Accidentally biting your inner cheek or tongue

So I thought it has to be lack of sleep and eating too much spicy food. I haven’t been drinking much or drinking little water. Nor am I stressed to the point I feel like quitting my job.

There are several remedies. Salt. Salt mixed with water. Listerine or dettol.

I know applying salt would hurt very much. It’s not as if I have one or two ulcers you know. So, I had a better idea. Eat plum. Make sure the salty part grazed the bad ulcers.

It was, as I thought, damn painful.

This morning I woke up. I moved my tongue around. The f***ers are still there!!!

The only thing I can think of right now is that I won't be able to enjoy my mum's steam chicken tonight. And, that sucks too.

Top Five

2006-03-28T18:32:00.000+08:00

Since 1995, whenever people asked me to name my top three women, my answer will always be: Elizabeth Hurley, Sophie Marceau and Louise Wener (lead singer of British alt-rock band Sleeper).

Elizabeth Hurley because she is damn hot and curvy. Sophie Marceau because she is damn gorgeous. Louise Wener because of her large eyes and cute face.

Fast forward to 2006. I have thought about a new list and this is what I came up with. This time, since technology has advanced, I figured that my new list must follow this trend. I am adding 2 more women to make it Keith’s Top Five®. They are:

Elizabeth Hurley, Sophie Marceau, Monica Belucci, Scarlet Johansson (replaces Louise Wener), and Uma Thurman.

Other admirable women who could make their way up to Keith’s Top Five® in the next instalment are:

Thandie Newton, Angelina Jolie, Maria Sharapova (but she is too tall), Natalie Imbruglia, Naomi Watts, Tamsin Egerton (the hot young chick of Keeping Mum fame. But she is kind of young so call me a paedophile), Sharon Stone (she is still that hot), and Halle Berry.

There are so many beautiful women out there but no thank you, I am sticking to mine.

New layout, new movies, new car

2006-03-12T15:37:00.000+08:00

I have decided to change the layout of The Long Green Blade. I found the green robot quite annoying after a while and the fonts, yeah, the fonts, are so difficult to read!

So I hope this looks better.

It's been a while since I last wrote anything. So, I'll just briefly tell you what happened to my life in these couple of months. In point form, no less.

- Went to Bangkok. Bangkok memang rocks 101 percent!
- Got more accounts to handle since colleague decided to resign
- Watched Crash, Walk The Line, and Open Water; all quite excellent. You should watch Open Water. Filmed using DV camera in mostly one location (the ocean waters), this film is exciting and very emotional.
- Bought Battleship Potemkin soundtrack by Pet Shop Boys. Finally!
- Most importantly, I bought myself a 2nd hand Kancil! Finally, my very own car!!! All on my own!!!

And now, we can all joget! And, I don't have to worry about transport home and no more "So how? I don't know if I got the car tomorrow", "Sorry, no car lah", and "Eh, what time you leaving? Maybe I could hitch a ride?" bullshit.

About time

2006-01-17T15:05:00.000+08:00

It has been a gruelling 3-year wait. In these 3 years, in my humble listening station, I have been introduced to quite a number of great artistes from all parts of this world, but none could live up to the extraordinary sounds perfected by the two geniuses who met, by accident, in a pet shop on one fateful evening many, many years ago in Newcastle, England. Who am I talking about?

Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe of the Pet Shop Boys (PSB), of course.

Their previous release, Battleship Potemkin, is not considered an album of their pop-dance loving tracks because it is a soundtrack to the ground-breaking yet boring (to me) Russian film of the same name. So I shall not consider this album to be the end of my 3-year torturing wait. Nor could I mention their singles collection, Pop Art, released about a year back. No point really as I have most of the songs in my PSB CD collection sitting proudly inside the cabinet of my living room.

To any PSB fan, Disco 3, a remixed dance album that followed the rather weak Release, is the last album churned out by the PSB. A great album that I am thankful to the boys for making amends and rekindling the love for their signature pop meets the synthesizer type of music. Release to me is not trademark PSB. Having Johnny Marr on board jamming the electric guitar only meant that the boys were bringing on a musical direction unknown to them -alternative. Even though on one B-side track called The Truck Driver and His Mate (taken of their Bilingual days) provided us with a preview of their guitar-playing skills, I (and most of PSB fans I can safely say) was hoping that they did not travel on that route. Therefore, again, Release is not trademark PSB. Although a track called Samurai In Autumn marked a return to their beats and synthesizers days, but not the rest of the album.

Come April 17, 2006, PSB returns with a new album titled Fundamental! Supposing to sound super in comparison to 1993 breathtaking Very and 1994 double-CD collection of never-before-released masterpieces cleverly titled Alternative, this may very mean that PSB is back on track! Here, thanks to the official PSB site, are the track-listings for Fundamental (in no particular order yet as the boys are currently still experimenting):

1. God willing
2. Minimal
3. The Sodom and Gomorrah Show
4. I'm with Stupid
5. Psychological
6. I made my excuses and left
7. Integral
8. Numb
9. Luna Park
10. Casanova in Hell
11. Twentieth Century
12. Indefinite leave to remain

Fundamental, I am hoping, should be a 60-minute opus. My money is on this one. Just, just a few more months to end my 3-year long wait. Finally.

Perfect

2005-12-23T17:18:00.000+08:00

I'd grab my gloves and put them on. I'd make my way to the cosy kitchen and make myself a hot cup of kopi O. With my Kopi O, I'd take my loved one to the veranda outside, sit on a comfortable wooden long chair and watch as snow falls from the beautiful blue sky.

I'd put my arm around her and offer her my cup of Kopi-O. She'd take a sip as we continue to watch white snow flooding the streets outside our home. We'd slowly remove ourselves from the chair and I'd take her hand as I guide her towards the gate outside. Pushing it open, we'd find ourselves lying on the ground as every drop of snow fall on us. We'd lie there forever.

We'd see children of all races patiently constructing their versions of snowmen. Some would throw balls of ice at each other. Some would just, like us, lay on the ground welcoming the beauty that is "white Christmas".

From inside our home, Chicane's Halcyon is heard. The perfect soundtrack to such a perfect moment.

My uncle once said, "I am not a Christian, but Christmas is the only time I look forward to."

Merry Christmas everyone.

Them penguins

2005-12-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

Editor's note: Ah, a case of "he says, she says". Yes, Keith and I both blogged on the same topic.

11:45 pm on a Saturday, when we should be either getting drunk in a club or watching a creepy horror flick like The Fog, my honey bunchkins and I are instead marching into the cinema to watch a one-and-a-half-hour documentary about penguins.

The March of the Penguins. Also known as The Emperor's Journey.

Within the first half hour of the film, two Chinese couples next to me walked out of the cinema. Poor souls who had probably failed to get tickets for another cheesy Hong Kong rom-com starring those annoying Twins and so had bought tickets for this documentary, thinking it was a Chinese movie about a monarch making his way across Imperial China to find a runaway concubine. Geez, you would've thought the giant poster hanging above the box office counters depicting an adult penguin and a baby penguin would have been a dead giveaway of the film's main subject: Penguins. Duh.

They were probably muttering, "We should've stayed home and just watched Discovery Channel" on their way out the cinema.

But really, it's a great film. It's full of emotion and poetry. Damn penguins almost made me cry. For one thing, it showed that life ain't easy when you're a penguin. And here I thought those little buggers were put on earth merely to waddle around like an obese person and look cute doing it. Put on earth as an ingenious marketing ploy so you could sell a million of their stuffed likeness to kids during Christmas.

But I was wrong. They're really heroic, determined, self-sacrificing little bastards. They're one of the best examples of sheer perseverance. Ever.

10 minutes into the film though, I looked at Keith and was suddenly convulsed with giggles. 10 minutes of penguin waddling and belly flops and his eyes were already a little glazed. 50 more minutes into the movie, I felt his head slide onto my shoulder. Hahhahaha...

Well, Keith agrees that the baby penguins are simply adorable. They're fat little tufts of grey fur (or is it feathers?).

Go watch it. Now. I highly recommend it. It's got action (nasty leopard seals trying to eat them penguins), drama, heartbreak (when mama penguin dies before getting back to feed her young 'un) and some penguin make-out scenes (rather tastefully done, if you ask me).

And I know what I want for Christmas this year. A penguin. And please, not the stuffed kind that comes with a hat and scarf.

Signing off,
Steph

The Way of the Penguin

2005-12-05T19:05:00.000+08:00

Owner's note: My first post since this poor blog kena blognapped. Hmpff...

I was at my desk when I heard my colleague asked me, "Keith, what's that movie about the penguins ah?" I didn't take much time to think (because I am a film-buff see) to say, "Batman Returns?" She said, "Not that Penguin la!"

I was shocked. How can I not know what she is talking about?

"The documentary about penguins. What's it called?" She asked. I thought about it and I had no freaking idea what she was talking about. I was confused just like when I was 13 years old and a school mate asked me, "Hey Keith, have you watched Basic Instinct?" I answered, "Nope, I haven't seen that documentary." I was a very outdated boy, thanks to ONE year studying in Shah Alam, where the most happening film of the year was Beauty and the Beast.

Anyway, I asked her, "What documentary about penguins?" She obviously expressed shock as she said, "You don't know about THE documentary of the year? How can? You are the film buff!" I smiled when she said that, confirming that I indeed know more about movies that the kidnapper of my blog, Stephanie Tan.

So two colleagues started telling all about this hit documentary called The Emperor's Journey. In some parts of this world, it's called The March of the Penguins. It made over US$100million at the box-office! It's like this year's version of The Blair Witch Project - low budget, super high returns.

Last Saturday, Ah Steph (actual blog) asked me, "Hey, can we watch The Emperor's Journey tonight?!?" Thanks to my new-found knowledge, I said, "Oh, the hit documentary about penguins right? Yeah, do you know that it is also called The March of the Penguins?" I have never felt so clever in my entire life. Haha...

So we bought tickets at MidValley and by 11.45pm, we were in the cinema. I still think that at almost midnight, it's not really a good time to watch a documentary about penguins. IN a cinema, no less. And, Mandarin version some more. So, it's like one of those half-hour already translated into Mandarin animated cartoon - only difference now is that it's NOT animated and quite slow.

Penguins walk for like 30 days to get to a point where the female penguins become horny. So, like males on Earth, the female penguins outnumber the male ones. Since they are horny, they fight with one another to get the leng chai penguin. And this goes on for like a week.

Then, they find each other. Somehow, the director wanted to create some erotic drama when he shot two penguins in slow pace making out to sexy soundtrack. And, I just sat there and wondering if the penguins should get an igloo or something ...

Overall, I must say it's quite a marvellous production even though I almost fell asleep during the making out sessions and the long walk to the dating arena. And the large bird that tried to eat one of the cute little penguins. Supposedly quite action-packed because Steph's eyes were glued to the cinema screen while mine are trying their best to stay open. Maybe not action-packed enough.

Anyway, penguins are such cute creatures and really go all out to protect their young. And this documentary should win Best Documentary Oscar next year because it's beautifully shot and so informative (now I know why some penguins have more white fur than black). Kudos to the director for actually spending gruelling months in the North Pole to capture the magic that is The Emperor's Journey aka The March of the Penguins.

Penguins can't fly but can march.

Perfectly Flawed

2005-11-24T00:18:00.000+08:00

Keith just said today that his readers will think I've kidnapped his blog. I am now blogging more frequently than the actual owner of this blog. I am a blog squatter. :P

But I will continue to keep up the theme and direction of this blog. Keith's previous entries revolved around music and movies, and so will mine, because these are the common passions we share.

After playing hours-long quizzing games with each other, Keith and I have concluded that he's the one who generally knows more about music, but I'm the one who knows more about movies.

Growing up as an only child with working parents and less-than-attentive babysitters, TV was most often my sole companion, friend, sibling, storyteller, playmate and teacher.

I think my love for movies was also instilled by my dad. When I was a child and growing up in the US, he took me to the movies every weekend. We'd go to Blockbuster Video once a week to rent even more movies - Dad was the coolest 'cause he'd let me pick out any video I wanted. I loved the horror aisle. I'd choose some R-rated horror flick with lots of gore and bloodshed, my dad would look at it and shrug, "Ok, as long as you can sleep at night." There was only one time I couldn't sleep, when I saw a guy's head explode in a B-grade movie called Scanners 3.

Someone once asked me why I never considered becoming a film critic - getting paid to do what you most enjoy is a no-brainer. And I said that it would be an absolute sin to critique something you have so little technical knowledge of. It's like being a food critic just because you like eating but being unable to identify basic herbs.

But then again, it's not just brilliant technical knowledge of the field that makes you a good critic. The best critics relate the human experience and make interesting analogies to everyday life that the common man on the street is able to identify with. This is really best personified by Topgear's Jeremy Clarkson. I've got no doubt he knows his stuff when it comes to cars but he's never as concerned with engineering perfection as he is with the kind of experience the vehicle can offer him. I will forever remember a test drive review he did of the Porsche Boxster which he described as a perfect, flawless package. But it lacked heart and soul, he said, when compared to the 911. The Boxster indeed offered all the right features for driving pleasure but was clinical in its delivery, like listening to a CD instead of the band's performance live. I thought that was just a wonderful way of putting it, because it encapsulated the essence of what makes a great car great in a straightforward way that could be understood by everyone.

Sometimes the genius is in the simplicity.

After all - a good product is never just about technical perfection, be it a movie, album, book or painting. To be a good writer, technically all one needs is excellent grammar, spelling and vocabulary. But that ain't exactly enough to guarantee you the Nobel Prize for Literature, is it?

E.E. Cummings the American poet eschewed capital letters and punctuation for most of his poems. JD Salinger and his contemporary, DBC Pierre, both wrote books about alienated outsiders in the first person narrative, breathing life into their protagonists with the deliberate use of bad grammar.

In the end, Clarkson was right. It's heart and soul that wins people over in the end. It's a reminder of life, of humanity. It reminds us that there's much beauty in imperfection.

Signing off,
Steph

Calling it quits

2005-11-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

When I think about it, I could do much worse as far as jobs go. Mine's none too shabby, I'll admit. I get free invites to cool gigs. I get to meet famous international celebrities. I get to know lots of cool people in media, marketing, events, entertainment, you name it. I get stockpiles of freebies (most of which are useless crap, but that's not the point). I get to wine and dine in the best restaurants in town. I get to take awfully long lunch breaks. It's all in a day's work.

But I'm quitting.

Leaving the glitz and the glamour for the dog-eat-dog world of advertising. Where I toil for long hours to sell useless products to people who don't need them. Really, why do people want a deodorant that whitens their armpits? Duh, I know - to get fairer armpits. But the question is, why?

But I'm looking forward to it.

The problem is, I really don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have a niggling suspicion that most people my age are facing the same problem because so many of my friends have already been through a few jobs within a year of graduating from college.

We're not aimless. We don't lack direction. We do have ambition and drive. We're still searching for our niche, that special thing we have an immense talent for, a job on whose challenges we thrive on because they feed our growing need to accomplish great feats before we turn old and grey. Maybe it doesn't exist - maybe I'm just being idealistic. But it's okay 'cause I'll continue to look for mine. I'm willing to risk financial stability and cozy career propects. I'm willing to take a gamble. Because I know there's got to be more than this. Don't listen to the optimists who tell you you've got it made. Because it ain't true. And the moment you start to believe that is the moment you turn complacent and end up 25 years down the road wondering how you ever got stuck in such a miserable job.

Maybe the simplest method would be to just identify our greatest talent or skill and find a job where it's most applicable. If you're good at crunching numbers, be an accountant. If you're good at debating, be a lawyer. If you're good in bed...

As Robert deNiro's character said in A Bronx Story, "The greatest tragedy is a talent wasted."

Signing off,
Steph

Special

2005-11-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

- "Creep", Radiohead

I once teased a guy I know for being a devoted viewer of Lizzie McGuire. And I had no mercy on another male friend who confessed to liking several N'Sync songs.

But you know what?

Your taste in movies, music and books don't reflect who you really are as a person, as much as you like to think. It really doesn't add anything to your cool quotient. If you pride yourself on being a unique, distinctive, mainstream-defying individual just because you've read The Communist Manifesto or like a few obscure bands or foreign films no one else in Malaysia has watched, then I feel sorry for you. Clearly, you have some self-esteem issues.

It's not cool to bash other people about their preferences. It's not cool to poke fun at people who hum along to the new Backstreet Boys single. Even if I'm deeply tempted to. I may not dig the Backstreet Boys' musical direction but I applaud them for their longevity, at a time when boy bands are passe and scruffy, vintage t-shirt-donning indie bands are the in thing. Who, by the way, almost always have a The in front of their name. The Strokes, The Vines, The Hives, The Books, The Stupid Copycat Band That Needs To Get Their Own Identity and Image.

I'm extremely proud of Keith though because he's pretty honest about his likes and dislikes, and once bought the M2M album without ever worrying about the depreciation of his stock price as a well-regarded man of music. Haha. Hon, I'm behind you all the way!

And with that, I'd like to announce I'm hooked on One Tree Hill. A teen drama. I never thought I'd watch one, let alone try to leave work early and get home on time so I can catch a show about high schoolers battling the many complexities of post-adolescent life - which don't seem to include pimples or bad grades.

Chad Michael Murray has brooding good looks. I have a thing for guys who can melt a polar ice cap with a stare. But okay, discounting the eye candy, the show is - surprise, surprise - pretty well-written. It's got much better plot and character development than, say, Desperate Housewives. Plus, it has a killer soundtrack. In the first season finale, Snow Patrol's "Run" played over the final dramatic scenes. Which sorta added an emotional one-two punch. Dammit, I hate it when they use music to take the audience's feelings hostage. It's like, the hero could be sprawled dying on the floor, gasping his last breaths while his lover weeps over him, and I wouldn't feel a thing. But bring on the violins, man, or better yet play Mazzy Star's Fade Into You and you'll have me bawling like a baby. Music manipulates.

But yeah, back to One Tree Hill's kickass soundtrack. Its playlist includes Kasabian, The Kaiser Chiefs, Phantom Planet (one of my faves) and more obscure stuff like The Mooney Suzuki, The Wreckers, The Blackouts (what did I tell you about 'THE' preceding the band's actual name??) The trouble with having a band with a name like The Wreckers or The Blackouts is that when your newfound fans try to Google you up, they end up finding information about car wrecks and power failures instead. Smart move, guys.

Yes, I do like indie music. And foreign films (but French films less so because the French are mad). And weird, non-Booker Prize-winning books that no one else reads. But do I think I'm special because of it? No. I'd like to think it's not what you like, but what you do that sets you apart from everyone else.

You want to be different from the rest of the Malaysian population? Stop littering. Flush when you use public toilets. Give way to other cars and pedestrians instead of pretending like you're driving a demolition truck in a monster rally.

In my eyes, that makes you pretty damn special.

Signing off,
Steph

Up and running

2005-11-17T11:04:00.000+08:00

After hours and hours attempting to "renovate" this blog, it's finally up and running!

What do you think? I think I should rename my blog to The Short Green Robot which caught a butterfly.

The washing machine

2005-11-09T15:18:00.000+08:00

WARNING: VERY, VERY PLAIN ENGLISH AHEAD

I think when we first bought our top loading washing machine, the salesman fella forgot to tell us one minor (or major, more like it) detail - pre-loaded with mini machine guns.

You see, every time my dirty clothes go into the washing machine, the next day got small tiny holes. For some strange reason, my briefs made a pack with the washing machine and always came out unharmed.

UNLESS...my cupboard is conquered by rats la. Cannot be! My Garfield of a cat, Ivory, is capable of scaring rats away by just resting on the floor. My cat is so huge that the fella can whack any 6-month old American Cocker Spaniels.

Supposing my washing machine didn't come preloaded with mini machine guns or that my cupboard had not been invaded by rats or aliens, then it only boils down to one thing:

I have a sharp butt.

House of Codes

2005-10-28T16:54:00.000+08:00

Now that I have a subordinate at work, it means one thing.

I can finally leave work earlier and get home in time for all the prime time TV shows.

One of my favourites at the moment is House. Hugh Laurie, whom you may remember as Mr. Little in Stuart Little, plays the perpetually cranky, Vicodin-popping Doctor House. He's the kind of doctor who makes caustic remarks about patients' symptoms and has lines like, "Humanity is overrated."

The storylines are not fantastic...setup is always the same. Patient gets admitted for a mysterious, life-threatening ailment, manifesting itself in various symptoms that could be also be the signs of dozens of other diseases. There's bleeding from every orifice. There's projectile vomiting. There's foaming at the mouth. It's not pretty. But it's really the drama and Laurie's character that make the series so watchable. See, Dr. House is sort of a prick. But he's a brilliant prick.

It sort of reminds me of the doctor who attended to me when I had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery after my foot went through a pane of glass and started gushing like a burst water pipe. As he was examining my foot, he attempted to make some small talk with me. He asked me what I was studying.

"I'm studying law," I said, weak with pain.

"Ah, then I better be careful in case you sue me," he said. "HA HA HA!"

And as he was prodding my foot which had been tightly wrapped with a towel, he said, "If your major blood vessels have been severed, I bet if I unwrap this, blood would spurt out like a geyser and hit me in the eye. HA HA HA."

At that point, I was thinking, "Oh dear god, this is my doctor."

But looking back, he did help to take my mind off the pain. I think that's just what doctors need. A total lack of compassion and sympathy.

Back to House.

I think it's pretty cool too how they talk using all this medical jargon. "I think this guy needs a MRT right away, then maybe an ENI, and we'll start him off on the IVIG."

I have absolutely no idea what the hell they're talking about. But it sounds all cool and important, especially when they're walking around real quickly in their long white coats and grave expressions.

Or even the time the only girly doctor on the show (who's young enough to be on Buffy) is getting all teary-eyed while doing tests in the lab because one of her patients is dying. Then Dr. House walks in, sees her and goes, "Ah, uncalibrated centrifugals make me cry too."

I guffawed even though I don't know what the hell uncalibrated centrifugals are.

Of course, that's when you know an actor is good. It's his delivery and timing that makes the line funny.

But why do people choose to speak in abbreviations?

I have a client in the aviation industry who sends e-mails to me that could very well be encrypted in code. "Let's give the media a UGS from EY for the BJS sector," she wrote in one e-mail.

And when I ask her, she raises her eyebrows and exclaims, "Why, you don't know??"

No, lady, I was born stoopid.

Clients. They can be such a PIB.

Signing off,
Steph

UGS = upgrade to business class, EY = economy class, BJS = Beijing, PIB = Pain In The Butt

Impressive

2005-10-13T18:04:00.000+08:00

Imagine this.

You bought this lion.

Roar! What a beauty!

So, you are driving your brand new Subaru Impreza WRX STi tuned by arguably the best in the business, Roger Clark Motorsport (RCMS). You are cruising at about 110km/h while listening to Ladytron’s new album. The engine is noisy of course with, read carefully ar, 709 brake horse power waiting to be released! This car of yours has one of the most powerful 2-litre engines ever built. And, it’s road legal. This monster of a car is legal! Yahoo!

709bhp. Not INCLUDING an additional 150bhp hit of nitrous oxide (NOS).

Suddenly, you noticed that a car behind is flashing for you to either;
a. Move
b. Tarik

You look into your rear view mirror. Oh, it’s only this great pretender.

Mou tan, no problem.

So you smile because you know how your engine looks like. It’s sitting fulfilling every compartment. The engine looks like its going to burst 709bhp on your ass!

"Eh, Keith, don't drool all over my pipes ah!"

So you accelerate. Within seconds, you only see this through your rear view mirror.

.-.

Yup. All you see are dots.

And you hadn't hit your NOS yet. Because if you did, then it's over 800 horses pulling your mean fella. Then within seconds, you will see a blank road behind.

The Subaru Impreza WRX STi RCMS takes only, ONLY, ON-bloody-LY, 2.5sec to go from 0 to 100km/h. This fella can push past the 360km/h mark and still plenty of G-force to keep you thinking that you have bought the most beautiful monster.

Move over BMW M5, Ferrari F50, Nissan Skyline R34 GTR, and Porsche GT2. Nothing will ever overtake you.

Ok la, it's time for me to start saving. This is one car I must drive/own before I go to the bank to check if my EPF banked in already. After all, time flies. So does this baby.

Life is funny

2005-10-09T01:41:00.000+08:00

Life is funny, you know?

I always (and that's not an understatement) tell people like Shahrol, Ekram, Ikram, Kit Loong, Teh, Naif, Arez, and Rizal that there is no way they would find me in a cyber cafe at any one time on any one day.

Yet, here I am writing this at 1.25am on a windy Saturday night somewhere in Paramount Garden sitting right in front of an LCD screen manufactured by LG in a cyber cafe called 'Inferno'. Shahrol works part-time here by the way.

So I decide to check out a couple of things on the Net. And, nope I ain't going to try learning how to play Defence of the Ancients. Or Counter Strike. I like the latter game actually but this morning, no 'kaki'. My 'kakis' are probably busy with their own things. After all, it's a Saturday night.

England won. I am delighted! I don't care how they played. I only care that they won the must- win qualifier.

I have (sorry, make that need) to buy Ladytron's new album 'Witching Hour'. I heard their latest single 'Destroy Everything You Touch' and they have proven that they can still write great music that's just as good or even better than their successful 'Seventeen'.

Still on music. I need to also get Mew's latest album 'And The Glass Handed Kites'. Tom Townsend, a music reviewer, concluded: "And The Glass Handed Kites" is truly a masterpiece and one that you'll keep exploring for years. Can't wait! (Neither can Keith)

Movies.

I know, I know. My story this time (and most other times) lacks coherence. Anyway, I watched three truly excellent movies recently. Taeguki or Brotherhood in Korean tells of these two brothers who were forced to go to war and how misunderstandings built between them. Very touching movie. I didn't cry though. Almost did only.

The other movie I watched was this year's academy award winning boxing drama Million Dollar Baby. Very sad yet very inspiring. Can't wait for Clint's new movie. I think he plans to do a war epic next.

The third one - Batman Begins. Yeah, finally. And, I tell you, Chris Nolan did a superb job in giving Batman the portrayal he deserves. Bale did a wonderful job too and Batman Begins is definitely, to me, one of the highlights of 2005.

This time next week I may be finally getting a new computer (thanks to my mother's EPF) where I just may find myself asking my friends about the computer games I should get. I may just start playing computer games, be an addict and spend my weekends in a cyber cafe called 'Inferno', since I could be playing for free. Of course, I would be dropping by after "pak toh-ing" with Miss Tan la. After all, Shahrol works here until 1pm the next day.

Life is funny, you know? Indeed.

Life goes on

2005-09-27T16:33:00.000+08:00

One late evening about few weeks ago, my dad held a family meeting. So we sat around the ABC table and wondered what he had in mind. He pulled out a piece of paper. Looking at it, he began his agenda.

"Mummy and I have decided to cancel Astro because we think that no one really watches TV anymore in this house. You two working boys are back home so late that you guys go straight to bed. And Ivan needs to start reading law and practise his accounting," he said with a tone that told us he wasn't joking.

Immediately, I thought about me missing MTV, Channel V and the sports channels. Brian was worried about his Cartoon Network and the sports channels, of course. Ivan, well, did not appear to worry since his "TV" is the computer monitor.

I did a SWOT analysis. Maybe without Astro, my life wouldn't really suck. I could catch up on my DVDs and maybe read books on a more regular basis. Brian could download his cartoons. And Ivan, as I have mentioned, did not see it as much of a problem. As such, we approved of our parent's decision.

Life was a bit boring at first without Astro. On Sundays, we definitely would miss watching football. And on weekdays, we would miss watching potentially good series.

BUT. There is so much more I could do now without Astro. For one, I watched the following movies. Life is getting better!

1) A Very Long Engagement

This French movie is beautifully shot.

2) Hannibal

Finally, I saw the sequel to Silence of the Lambs. Initially, I thought Julianne Moore could not pull a Clarice but I was in awe with her performance. This movie certainly beats Red Dragon left, right, centre.

3) People I Know

Don't bother with this Al Pacino vehicle. Kim Bassinger and Teo Leoni are in this movie too but it just fell flat. Started off pretty well and ended on a "huh what the f" note.

4) The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Don't bother.

5) Torque

Surprisingly, it is quite ok la. Although most parts super bullshit, but it called for a pretty entertaining ride. Superbike lovers should catch this.

6) White Chicks

Honestly, I never wanted to watch this movie. You see, the DVD was sitting there and I heard, "Eh, put me in la. Come on!" So I conformed. I was surprised because this movie is funny, full of shit, and very entertaining! Sometimes, no brainers are the best to watch on a weekday.

7) Corky Romano

Again, sometimes, no brainers are the best to watch on a weekday.

8) Brotherhood of the Wolf

The camera work on this film is very interesting. It had an unforgettable beginning but then, as the movie went on, I kept hoping that the movie wasn't more than 2 hours long.

9) The Ladykillers

Tom Hanks, one of my favourite actors, shines in this Coen brothers movie. The movie had me going from the very start. Excellent script and acting. A must watch!

10) Troy

Finally, I watched Troy. I want to be Achilles.

11) Man On Fire

This is a good movie. I must say that Marc Anthony can actually act. Denzel Washington, well, need I say more?

12) Breaking News

This Chinese movie, I tell you, is totally unforgettable. Johnny To should seek some of his Hong Kong counterparts when planning some shots. First of all, in a stake-out you don't bloody put an undercover police car right in front of the bad guys. Second of all, trained policemen mana boleh miss the target that's just in front of them? Third of all, Kelly Chen.

13) Chocolat

What a beautiful movie.

14) LOST, season 1 DVD (but can only watch on computer)

LOST, to me, is arguably the best drama series produced on TV. Kudos to the people at ABC and the Emmy's for making the right decision! I'm waiting like a restless baby for season 2.

And at the cinemas last Saturday ...

Flight Plan is good. Some people have loads of bones to pick on the story but the film is one of the best ones I have seen this year.

Maybe tonight, if I get to leave work early, I shall watch The Emperor's Club or Million Dollar Baby.

Guess who is coming home for dinner?

2005-09-13T22:57:00.000+08:00

It's 10.25pm. Nope, not home yet.

Maybe, just maybe, if I can't take this whole advertising anymore, I'll definitely choose a job where I need to bring along my sunglasses to work. So, when I leave, the sun can't hurt my eyes.
So, when I leave, I can do so much before and after dinner. So, when I leave, I can finally go watch a movie at the cinema. Or browse the latest music CDs at Victoria. Otherwise, it just would be nice to be able to whip out my sunglasses from my bag when the lift door slides open for me to just bloody go home/do stuff before and after dinner/watch movies/browse latest music CDs.

Hey, I just bloody found out that t.A.T.u have a new album! And I got to bloody get Pet Shop Boy's try at scoring Battleship Potemkin, the Russian movie I hated.

It's 10.33pm. And nope, ain't home yet.

I just had McDonald's for dinner. Honestly, I am getting bored of McDonald's. Why McDonald's, you may ask? Because we ordered Dominos one time too many. Anyway, fortunately, the company is kind enough to pay for dinners on days like these.

Speaking of pay, I think any of you out there earn more than me. I earn so little that even if I could leave early, I wouldn't be able to do anything before and after dinner, or watch a movie at the cinema or even buy the latest music CDs. Anyway.

It's 10.44pm. Oh boy...

The lorry and the kelisa

2005-09-08T18:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I saw something that I thought I'd never see. After the toll, I was driving through this corner when I literally saw a huge ass lorry shaked from left to right before overturning! I screamed, "Whoa, shit! Brian, you saw that?" He was too busy keying an SMS to his girl. Of course when I screamed like a mad man, he looked up. By that time, the lorry was already on its side. He asked, "What happened?" I told him.

"You actually saw the lorry overturn?" He asked.
"I'm afraid so, bro." I replied and hoped that the driver would be okay.

Later...

I was walking to the mamak near the office for my usual roti kosong (clear bread?) when Steph called.

"Keith, I knocked this car!" She screamed so loud that my ears wouldn't function properly if she made it a habit. (Just kidding, baby)
"Oh no, how are you? How's the car?" I asked.
"No big deal la, the car in front hit the emergency and I knocked into the fella," she said. "I'm having a bad day."
I remembered what I saw earlier.
"No, Steph. Look on the bright side. Your number plate fell only ma. Your car didn't overturn, right? This morning, I saw this lorry literally overturn right before my perfect eyes! That guy, now, is having a bad day." I tried to calm her down. "Besides, it's not your fault. When we are sleepy after only like six hours of sleep, it's quite hard to focus on a car that may just slam on the emergency brakes any bloody time. Correct or not?"
"Thanks, Keith. So how? I need to get my number plate done before I get home." She sounded worried that her father might give her lecture if he saw a dangling number plate. Again.

My mind raced. I see many shops in my head. Some in KL, some in Kepong, some in Subang. But, think harder, think nearer, Keith. Come on!

"Ok, go to the shop next to Daruzz in DU. The guys there can fix up your number plate in no time. So just take a couple of hours off and go there, ok?" I said, hoping that she would calm down.

"Hey, thanks alot! I'll go and do just that later in the afternoon!" She said happily.

By the time we hung up, my breakfast had arrived.

The new Creative Directors

2005-08-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

In the ever-changing advertising world, Clients are now the new Creative Directors, leaving limited space for creative development. Even worse, Clients seem to have various directions in their campaigns. This leads to what? Stressed up individuals like us staying back in office and never to see daylight. Or smell good cooked food.

Remember, we are here to consult Clients and not conform to every single thing that suddenly popped up in their fickle head. But alas, they are the ones putting food on our table. They are the Creative Directors. We just sit in pain.

Apocalypso

2005-08-01T17:35:00.000+08:00

I was checking my email the other day and received this mail from the great people at Q magazine. I subscribed to their newsletter ma. Anyway, there was a part where I clicked and it linked to the official website. There, the best part was that I could sample the 40-over best tracks of the month – July! So I was listening to the likes of Oasis, Pink Floyd (I think they must have re-issued The Wall), Gorillaz, Editors, and, wait for this, Mew! The single is called Apocalypso and I immediately damn near got a heart attack!

So, while waiting for the single to be downloaded to my Great Music folder on my computer (thanks to broadband and peer-to-peer), I went to their website – www.mewsite.com and I found out that the single is not for sale (I screamed, “Damn it!”, even though I don’t think I could afford any albums at the moment…you know, with all the bad economy, the efficient petrol price increase, and all that jest) but downloadable for a small fee. As you know, the lads of Mew are quite the film buffs and they spend their time not only making superb music but also experimental videos. They must aspire to be like Lars von Trier, who garnered international recognition for directing Bjork in The Dancer in the Dark. That movie, alas, not that good. If you have a throbbing headache, I suggest you don’t watch it for your whole head would burst trying to follow the never-ending camera movements.

Back to Mew’s explosive Apocalypso. Great single, no doubt. The single is actually written for a new short experiment they produced. Now, the most wonderful piece of news is that Mew is releasing a new album pretty soon and I am waiting already.

Since I am still on the topic of music, I want to thank my wonderful friends for getting me the two albums I have been dying to get for my 25th year on this planet.

1. Arcade Fire - Funeral

Brilliant. Know why it’s called ‘Funeral’? This Canadian indie band of seven are so close that they lepak together in Montreal and fate got it’s way, two of them got married – lead singer Win Butler and Regine Chassagne. Unfortunately, happy things never last. Their family members left them one by one. That is why it’s called ‘Funeral’ and most of the songs talk about families and the neighbourhood, which they must hold very dearly. Great stuff. Thanks, Myron.

2. The Flaming Lips – Clouds Taste Metallic

Tim, Syn Hun and Madhan, you guys damn clever la. How did you know that I don’t have this album in my, ahem, priced collection already? This album is, to me, their third best after ‘Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots’ and ‘The Soft Bulletin’. Listening to ‘Clouds Taste Metallic’ gives a prelude of what to expect in, at that time, years to come before the classic ‘The Soft Bulletin’. Their fourth best is Transmissions from the Satellite Heart, which Steph got for me. Thanks, guys.

Over the weekend, I learnt that there so many good new bands in the European market. Editors are good, Engineers are great, Xiu Xiu is also not too bad, and The Magic Numbers are, well, quite magical.

Okay, back to real work. Later, lads.

What's Eating Keith Ng?

2005-07-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

After a year, some months and a few hundred pages, I finished reading 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape?'. What a relief! It was a great book though, I am not quite sure why it took me so long to finish reading it. Somehow, along the way, I guess, I found reading to be a chore. That's the problem. Since I tell my friends that I loved to write short stories, I should actually read more to get inspiration, motivation and to widen my vocabulary.

Suppose I start writing a story about this boy who migrated to Maryland, USA, but have no idea what the hell goes on in there, how the hell am I ever going to write anything? That's why, that one night, after dinner, I just thought, "Hey, I should really read." So before reading any new books or online music reviews, I ran to the study, lucky to find 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape?' sitting somewhere I thought I never placed before, ran back down, and finished the book.

I felt so good after closing the book. It didn't matter that I read 50 over pages in about an hour plus (this a record, ok, for me!), slept at almost 2am; but what mattered was that I not only finally found out what's really eating Gilbert but that, I read one mighty fine book.

Right now, since I am in this happy reading mood, I am turning the pages of Dan Brown's 'Angels and Demons'.

Kindly excuse me while I return to the book. Or else I could end up completing it after 2 and a half years.

A note

2005-07-13T20:55:00.000+08:00

To my loyal readers,

I promise to bore you with new posts once I find the time. Too much work, too little time.

Thanks for your patience.

MJ walks free

2005-06-14T20:58:00.000+08:00

Seriously, face it. There is only one superstar out there and he is Michael Jackson. He may have had a very strong supporting role in Men In Black II; he may have stole Tom Cruise's performance in the upcoming War of the Worlds; he may have liked all the small things; but at the end of the day, there are no more stars out there who could ever hope to as popular as Michael Jackson.

Ask your grandaunt this: "Ah por, u heard of Michael Jackson?"

The answer you will definitely get is: "Ah boy, kang hai la (of course la)."

Justin Timberlake has tried it. Usher is still trying. Britney Spears wanted to but got pregnant along the way. See, everyone, no matter what they say, will try their luck to be the next Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson is acquitted of all molest charges this afternoon. I am happy and sad. You see, I grew up trying to learn his moves and memorizing his lyrics. "Beat It", "Smooth Criminal", "Dirty Diana", and "Gone Too Soon" are so different in nature that one can't help but agree that he can literally write for any music genre. He is that good. So, yeah I am happy to hear the news this noon.

I am sad too. He may never be inspired to write another great piece of music. He has this Beatles collection to protect. He has to renew faith in his followers. He has to think about his future. They say he is broke but you see, in the long run, he would still get his money back because he gets money everytime a Beatles song is played over the radio. He may get ten cents for every song but we are talking about tens of millions a year. He should be like the many of us. Start saving.

However, after some internal debate inside my brain, I have a feeling that he may just come up with a great record. After all these problems in his life, he may strike the perfect chord!

Who knows? Whatever it is, I wish you all the best, Mr Jackson.

The Elevator

2005-05-11T16:01:00.000+08:00

My colleague told me a rather amusing story yesterday.

Once, in a mall somewhere in the Klang Valley, this couple was walking hand in hand to the elevator. They had done their shopping. No. Sorry. She was done with her shopping.

At the elevators, they noticed two buttons. The UP button and the DOWN button.

They wanted to go home so they must go DOWN to where he had parked. She, for the weirdest reason, pushed her finger on the UP button. He looked at what she just did and stared at her. Instead of laughing, he asked, “Sayang, why you press the UP button?”

She looked annoyed. She answered, “Dumb dumb, I pressed UP because I want the lift to come UP to fetch us la!” Upon hearing that, he gave her the what-the-bloody-hell-is-wrong-with-my-sayang look. “Sayang, were you born yesterday?”

“What?” She asked before placing a hand to her hip. “What!” She asked again. This time she injected tigress attitude.

He dropped the five shopping bags to the floor. No. Sorry. He carefully placed the five shopping bags to the floor. “Where got people press the button to order the lift? You press UP if you want to go UP. You press DOWN if you want to go DOWN. You have never been outside elevators before?”

She started screaming at him. The females, no matter what, are always right. He lost it.

They argued the whole day and didn’t talk the next.

My colleague told me this story because we HAD to press UP for the elevator in our office to come fetch us. You see, we are on the 9th floor and the DOWN button is not working.

I have since filed a complaint.

Lyla

2005-05-06T19:54:00.000+08:00

We try hard to never being boring. But oasis new single is being very boring. 'Lyla' is no way near the other forgettable songs they have written.

Noel Gallagher, earlier this year, said that the new album was going to be the best album to date and that they had written some of the best songs in their career.

Mr Gallagher forgot to mention that he was bluffing.

He made me sour. I am very unhappy. But I guess I will have to deal with it and give their second single a chance.

I think I want to ignore oasis this time around and get Athlete's 'Tourist' instead. 'Wires' is just so good.

An incident happened on the way to KL

2005-05-05T16:19:00.000+08:00

Since high school ended, there were several fellows I didn’t keep in touch with. I don't know why. The best part? They all live in DU and I constantly lepak there! Of course, since meeting miss tan, I hung out less in DU la.

Over the weekend, I was in uptown to meet Piece of Shit, Buntal, Pendek, Greek and his wife Iza, Kancil and his girl, and Baby’s-on-the-roof.

Note: Their names have changed to how we all call each other. Me? Well, they call me Plastique. I, until today, wonder why.

I ordered my iced tea and was feeling great about it when suddenly Baby’s-on-the-roof tapped on my shoulder and said, “Eh, look who’s there.” I stood and I saw these two guys who I used to hang out with! One’s called Cicak, who used to be in the same class as I was and the other is called Fadli, who was never in the same class as I was. I was not very close to the latter but the former, well, we were in the same class.

Cicak now looks like a terrorist with his goatie covering 70% of his face. Fadli is now a doctor. Wow.

There was another guy who looked like Kane (of WWE fame) but I don’t know him.

I had a very brief conversation with them because I was actually making a quick pit stop to hang out with them for awhile.

This was how the conversation went:

Cicak : Eh Keith, I read your blog. It sucks man!
Baby’s : You have a blog, Keith?
Me : Yeah man.
Baby’s : You are gay man.

Everyone was laughing at this point.

Me : But Annuar has a blog!
Baby’s : He is ok, he is married.

Funny fellow. Too bad I had to leave after like 15 minutes. When I turned to Kane to say bye, he said, “Wah, just came and now going already. Macam angin taufan!”

Adoi!

Guys, if you are reading this, let’s meet up soon.

Postman? Not all the time

2005-04-27T21:07:00.000+08:00

Since everyone is either feeling emo or writing emo stuff, I think I also want to be emo.

Last night, my colleagues and I went to Cheras to celebrate this outlet's 1st year anniversary. So of course, I drank down my sorrows (that's why I am feeling happy today) and the first emo thing was that I didn't win any lucky draws. Damn! Got Nokia hand phone you know?

I still want a new hand phone. That feeling remains until today.

Anyway, before we left the office, my colleague came up to me.

"Eh, Keith, you postman right?"

I was busy at the computer but I stopped typing, put my files away, and said, "Yeah man."

She then asked, "How to go to Cheras Leisure Mall? I mean, the fastest way now." I looked at my Swatch and it read 'almost 7.10pm'. Meaning, KL was going to be damn super duper jam. I thought for awhile and then I said, "Erm, according to my GPRS*, KL will be super duper damn bloody jam any which way we choose."

*Inside my head, got GLOBAL POSITIONING ROAD SYSTEM you know?

She suggested we took Kerinchi Link (google it up if you have no idea what I am talking about) and then get onto Seremban highway. I, of course, didn't take much time to say, "I know a better way." My other colleague asked me if I wanted to drive. I took the keys.

"Follow my lead, ladies."

The way I took, well, more jam than jam!

So immediately I whipped out my Nokia old phone and smsed 'oops' to the very colleague I told to follow me. To make things worse, I took the wrong turning that DID not lead me to Cheras Leisure Mall! Emo already! How can a postman like me take a wrong bloody turn?

I blamed the rain. I also blamed my colleague who was supposed to be my navigator. I tell you, if I was Colin McRae, I long time fired my navigator already.

Of course, in the end, I, ahem, got them safely to the destination even though we were an hour late.

We left at 12 something am. I was a wee bit high but I was alright la. It was quite a fun night out though. Drinks were all over the place. There were performances by this ah beng, two solo Mandarin singing girls and an ah beng group. What to do, Cheras what. But they can really sing.

It was indeed in the name of fun. However, my lamb chop had to emo the shit out of me because it came with mushroom sauce and not mint sauce.

The Surprise

2005-04-24T15:45:00.000+08:00

Remember in my previous post, I mentioned that there is a nice surprise on my part? Well, here it is.

Enter

Just a bunch of great movies, that's all

2005-04-19T14:25:00.000+08:00

I have been told that my blog caters to a very niche market. I have been made to understand that my blog can be very dull with all those music news, reviews, releases, and music. My heart broke when I was told that after reading a couple of lines, they would leave The Long Green Blade.

Although I don’t really care, this time I will try to appeal to the masses (about a few of you guys out there). This time I shall write about general interests.

Ok apart from music, erm, let’s see…ok, let’s talk about movies! I am going to list down my all time favourite movies. Here we go!

In no particular order, here are the movies I wished I directed and to a larger extend, wrote.

Pulp Fiction
Directed by Quentin Tarantino

This is a great deal. Clever script, brilliant soundtrack, excellent framing, and an original way of ending the movie in the middle, make this movie one of my all time favourite movies. I have seen this movie more than SIX times! That year, this Best Film was clearly between Forest Gump and Pulp Fiction. Forest Gump won, which I thought it would have deserved it IF Pulp Fiction was not released the year before.

Braveheart
Directed by Mel Gibson

I have seen this movie more than three times. This is definitely one of the greatest movies ever made. Remarkable.

Empire of the Sun
Directed by Steven Spielberg

This movie introduced Christian Bale, who would later vanish for a while before making a comeback with, if I am not mistaken, American Psycho. Anyway, the movie had me at the start already. This movie is so beautifully told about how a young orphan survived during the war on his own. John Malkovich was in it too. But it was Bale’s performance that commanded attention. A movie I watched twice and each time, I would tear when the young boy was given a salute by these two soldiers in an airfield. Superb.

The Shawshank Redemption
Directed by Frank Darabont

The best prison movie to me. I loved The Great Escape but this is by far more superior. The movie is about hope and how hope is never a dangerous thing. Hope sets us free.
The part where the warden finds out how Tim Robbins escaped is classic. I have seen this movie three times and would want to watch again. The way Frank Darabonts built his characters is enough to win him commendation.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Directed by Sergio Leone

The annoying thing was that I watched this movie only recently. Don’t worry, I hit myself in the head already! This is a classic. The music by Ennio Morricone is superb and everlasting. Clint Eastwood is the legend. I used to dislike western movies but this movie changed all that.

Primal Fear
Directed by Gregory Hoblit

Watch this movie solely for Edward Norton’s fine unforgettable performance. And what an ending!

The Usual Suspects
Directed by Bryan Singer

Wow factor number ten. The ending just kicks you in the head, yes?

Italian Job
Directed by Peter Collinson

Speaking of endings, this is by far the best movie with no ending movie.

The Sting
Directed by George Roy Hill

The perfect con job. That basically sums up the entire movie. You should watch this movie, not because of the theme music – The Entertainer, but because of the strong entertainment value.

Scent of a Woman
Directed by Martin Brest

Who-ah! Great, great film this.
Imagine a blind man (brilliantly portrayed by Al Pacino) driving a Ferrari, doing the tango with a hot chick, and giving a powerful speech. I also don’t mind eh.

The Road Home
Directed by Zhang Yi-Mou

To me, this film is Zhang Yi-Mou’s best film. A simple love story with colour separations along with a moving soundtrack make this film so memorable and touching.

Titanic
Directed by James Cameron

Call me mushy. Call me Luca. Call me whatever you want. But do I care what you think? Do I look like I give a damn? I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, which deservedly awarded so many Oscars. No one, but James Cameron, could make a movie about ship, stretch it to over 3 hours and still entertain.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Directed by James Cameron

Tell me, how many sequels out there beat the crap out of the first movie? Let me think. Apart from this, erm, none? You can’t possibly say X-Men 2 because X-Men was just as great. And Spiderman 2 was also just as great as the first one.
I was in this restaurant earlier today and guess which movie was playing on their TV? Terminator 2: Judgment Day! Before I left, I managed to catch Arnie saying, “I’ll be back.” What a classic line.

Seabiscuit
Directed by Gary Ross

A simple movie, Seabiscuit captured my heart with its large soul. Never failing to inspire, I would watch this movie again. I almost cried like a baby in some scenes.

Best of the Best
Directed by Robert Radler

If I were to choose from Bloodsport, Best of the Best, Kickboxer, Only the Strong and other great American martial arts flicks, I would pick Best of the Best hands down. Eric Roberts and Philip Rhee are so amazing here. The ending where Eric continues to fight despite his pain, whoa, inspirational! Best of the Best is a superb movie that demands continuous viewings.

The Sixth Sense
Directed by M Night Shyamalan

The best horror movie after The Exorcist and, to me, Dark Water.

---

I just realised I missed out on quite a lot of great classics. Never mind, there is always a next post.

By the way, I have a surprise coming on in my next post. Wait for it!

Bleed Like Me

2005-04-11T13:53:00.000+08:00

April 11, 2005 (Name of some Newspaper in my tiny head)

GARBAGE MANIA HITS LONDON

London, Mon: A staggering amount of music enthusiasts braved the heavy rain since Friday outside prominent music store ‘Nice Price’ to be amongst the first to purchase the highly anticipated latest album by Garbage entitled ‘Bleed Like Me’.

Q Magazine writer Keith Ng, 25, who was spotted right in front of the queue, said that he had been eagerly awaiting the release of the new album after falling in love with the latest single ‘Why Do You Love Me?’, which might shoot to the top of the UK Charts.

Ng, who migrated here from Malaysia, claims to be Garbage’s biggest fan since Noel Gallagher.

“I know my boss surely give me the album to review wan, but you know la, I am quite an impatient fellow so that’s why I decided to take leave to start queuing since Friday,” he said.

According to Ng, he also scooped up an undisclosed amount of the latest Garbage single because he would “feel good” when he saw ‘Why Do You Love Me?’ grabbed the top spot of the very influential UK Top 75 Singles Charts.

“Also, my home country one kind. Most music stores do not sell singles so I want to start an Exporting-Singles-To-Malaysia business. Too many people listen to pirated some more, I cannot stand it,” Ng added, thumping his right fist on his left palm.

A total of 200,000 people were believed to have queued since Friday.

‘Bleed Like Me’ is now available in most music stores worldwide.

Say what you want but I just had a listen to Avril Lavigne’s Under My Skin album and I must say, it’s way better than her debut ‘Let Go’. Her music writing has indeed matured and the melodious guitar choruses are quite addictive.

‘Nobody’s Home’ is excellent. ‘Forgotten’, a Cranberries-inspired track, is good. ‘Fall to Pieces’ is also good. So is the rest of the album. I didn’t buy it though. It was loaned to me. It was, sigh, pirated. I didn’t want to take to office to review but I guess I really wanted to sample her new album, so sometimes there are exclusions to the general clause.

Next – Reasons to scream out YAY! For me, that is.

1. Franz Ferdinand wrote new songs for their upcoming album already. They played four previously unreleased songs in April 5’s live performance at London’s Royal Albert Hall. It is understood that two of the songs will be featured in their follow up album to ‘Franz Ferdinand’ due later this year.

2. Coldplay’s next and third studio album will be titled ‘XY’. Chris Martin said that he initially wanted the new album to be called ‘Yin and Yang’ but he felt that that kind of title could lead to the disappearance of fans.

Eh, I don’t get it. Chris, as long as you still continue to write good music with Apple by your side, who cares if you called your new album Orange ke, Yin ke, Yang ke, etc. We only listen to the music man.

3. Engineers. Yup, that’s the name of this new band from Wigan (same place where Verve started out). Now, Engineers are supposed to be great and definitely worth a listen.

In the car one of the weekday nights, I heard Jimmy Eat World's 'Work' for the second time. I really love it. To me, Jimmy Eat World are one band that can successfully produce Punk-rock/Alternative-Pop/Rock-Ballad genres all rolled into one track. They always manage to write melodious choruses (man, that's the 2nd time I am writing that - Melodious Choruses) that warrant continuous listenings.

I respect bands who respect one of our five senses.

Days of Yore: The Heart

2005-04-07T13:41:00.000+08:00

We heard loud sounds coming from outside. They (the sounds) had to be my dad's footsteps stomping up the stairs. Our balls shrunk and hearts raced faster than it took Lee Bowyer to land the first punch.

We wanted to run. We wanted to hide. We wanted to break down the walls that held us inside.

He finally stepped in. He stared at the wall but did not laugh nor smile at our cute drawings of Superman, Batman and Ultraman. He walked towards me. He raised his arm in the air and I could tell he was aiming for my face. I ducked (my reactions were fast like Superman) and that resulted in Brian's face welcoming my dad's very tight slap. The force was really with my dad for his slap knocked Brian to the floor.

Brian was weeping while I kept apologizing. But I knew it was coming. This time, I stood still. I didn't fall to the ground."You guys are not coming with us to the circus!" My dad made that very clear before he marched downstairs.

Our heart broke into a million pieces. We were counting the days like we were in prison. Monday went by, we would put a tick. The same process went for the other days. We were so looking forward to our very first circus.

But then again, we should be thankful that we even got the chance (although we might have had blew it) to see the circus at such a tender age. My grandfather, for instance, first saw the beach when he was about to retire. He, also, had never flown on an airplane.

Anyway, miracles did happen. Not only our dad’s heart softened and took us to the circus after all, he also bought us ice-cream the next day at Sungai Wang Plaza. Remember Wendy’s? During the weekends, we would frequent Wendy’s to have one of bestest soft ice-cream to complement the finest French fries. Man, I really miss that place. God only knew why Wendy’s had disappeared and where it had reappeared.

Something I learnt from my childhood days:

My dad’s soft heart must have had a profound effect on how my own heart is today. I also learnt to forget and forgive easily. This is probably why I could never hit people who I care about since I know that I would feel terrible whenever I fought or shouted at them. Don’t talk about former friends la, they all deserved it although I wished I should have kept my hands in my pocket. Sometimes I think they have a life of their own.

I also learnt to accept disappointment. I live in a family where there are a lot of promises but no follow ups. If the Ng Family is a PR firm, we go bankrupt already.

Learning to accept disappointment does not mean learning to be contented. My dad once said, “Keith, whatever you do, never be contented in life.”

I will always remember that.

So what I don’t have a car yet. So what I don’t have a Motorola E398. So what I don’t have a bigger wardrobe. So what I don’t have the 200 CDs I want.

As long as I know that I will work towards that, I will just hang on with whatever I have.

For now, that is. Cheers to the possibilities! Screw the negativities!

Eh, I think my story lacks coherence la…ah, never mind.

Days of Yore: The Marker Pen

2005-04-05T11:56:00.000+08:00

Sheena Easton was in town. Sorry, more like, Sheena Easton was in town!!!
And I was not there!!! Sigh…I am just going to live to regret it…

When I was a kid, we used to have this videotape (I wished I still had it) featuring classic videos on Michael Jackson’s legendaries ‘Beat It’ and ‘Billie Jean’, David Bowie’s ‘Let’s Dance’, Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’, The Police’s superb ‘Every Breath You Take’, The Eurythmics’ ‘Sweet Dreams (are made of this)’, and, of course, Sheena Easton’s unforgettable ‘Telefone’.

I used to play that video every day while Ivan, my youngest brother (he was still a baby then), sipped his milk bottle and reading Sunday Mail comics. I would rewind and play it again.

Now, I realized that I loved music ever since and at that time, cassettes were the IN thing but I couldn’t afford it. My parents were spending too much money on comic books and milk for Ivan.

I used to cycle to the nearby sundry stores to run errands. Mum would say, “Ah boy, go buy bread!” And I would say, “Roger that!” Getting on my classic BMX, I would happily cycle there while humming my favourite tunes. At that time, my English damn broken wan so I didn’t know the lyrics to those songs.

I also remember those times where I grew to hate Sesame Street and began to love David Copperfield. He used to be my idol and I tried sawing my brother into half once but obviously I forgot to sharpen the chopper. I also used to think I was Superman, walking around the house in my red underwear and then when I take off my t-shirt, I would show off my muscles. You see, marker pen could really do wonders.

But the marker pen almost ruined my life. One time, Brian (my other brother who is 90% fucked up and 10% screwed) and I decided to add some life to our dull wall in our room. So armed with a couple of marker pen, we began to draw our masterpiece.

That evening, we were supposed to attend this circus in Subang Jaya. It was the Royal London Circus. We were all really gung ho about it.

We were getting ready when my mum decided to walk into the room. When she saw our masterpiece, she screamed, “Keith Ng Khin Yew and Brian Ng Khin Soon! Dave (my dad’s name), come and see what your boys did!”

- to be continued -

Goodbye Malaysian Rose

2005-03-28T17:35:00.000+08:00

I remember mopping the floor last night. You were lying there. I wanted to move you but you looked so weak. So I mopped around you.

I remember opening the wooden door and have to always squat down to catch you. You are always waiting for the chance to dash out.

I remember lying down on the couch watching television. You hop onto me and just laid there. You once slept on me! And, I am sorry for always moving you away.

I remember moving your fluffy tail away from the television screen. You just loved hanging out on top of the television, don’t you?

I remember you coming towards me whenever I call your name. You are not just a cat. You are more than that.

I remember hitting you because you liked to pick a fight with Ivory. I am sorry.

I remember carrying you to show my friends, who dropped by the house. You are never shy around people. That’s why people adore you. They just fall in love with you too quickly.

I remember telling you to shut up because when you were still a baby, you kept purring the night away. I regret it now.

I remember the whole family watching you as you run around the hall. Everybody just loved watching you.

I remember seeing you suffer.

I remember looking at your bloodied body. You were brave enough to fight a dog. We salute you.

I remember joking about you being a dog but given a wrong body. You are the most playful active cat we have ever seen.

I remember seeing you lying there, all weak.

The last time I saw you, your eyes were open but your body wasn’t moving.

Why didn’t I treat you better? Why didn’t I even try?

Maybe it was for the better. Maybe if I did, I would find it impossible to say, “Goodbye, Mr Twink.”

In Seven Days

2005-03-25T15:48:00.000+08:00

Mr Tan lent me his old phone for a few years. Thanks Uncle! You see, my Motorola V60i is full of shitty problems like the damn screen wouldn’t work properly anymore. SMSing has become a chore and super troublesome.

We didn’t watch Constantine a second time to analyse the way he lights his zippo.

I heard Stereophonics’ Dakota and miss tan downloaded the track. She loves it and I am glad.

My brothers (Brian and Ivan), Brian’s boss, and I went to Sepang on both days during the weekend. The scorching heat didn’t stop us from enjoying the race. Congrats Renault team and Fernando Alonso, whom I think will become World Champion one day.

I dreamt I had these few albums:

- Stereophonics, Language. Sex. Violence. Other?
- Arcade Fire, Funeral
- Mars Volta, De-Loused In The Crematorium
- And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead, Source Tags and Codes
- Manic Street Preachers, Generation Terrorists
- HIM, Love Metal and Greatest Hits
- Any David Bowie LP
- Ladytron, Light and Magic
- I think there was more but I can’t remember

The world’s fastest production car in the world today is NOT the Pagani Zonda. It’s not the McLaren F1. It’s (no, drum rolls are a thing of the past. Synthesizers please?) Koenigsegg CCR Supercar. Recorded top speed at 338kmh. Engine pulled by 806 hp. 0-62mph in 3.2 seconds. This is one car I would like to drive.

I whacked the shit out of Prem and Johan. Really hard. I wished I did. Seriously. But then, no point right? No point saying things that you wished you did but didn’t do. However, if I did, I would have wasted my energy, power and time.

I added a few friends on my Friendster. You know, I don’t really fancy this whole Friendster fever. Only because whenever I clicked (last time la) on miss tan, my computer hung. Forever hang kei wan!

As a movie fanatic, I can’t wait to watch Be Cool, The Ring 2, Million Dollar Baby, Sideways, and Batman Begins. I know some of those movies aren’t new but since I hadn’t watched, I can’t wait lor.

I played pool with my colleagues and suppliers in 1957 Bistro last night. The pizza there really damn nice. Believe me, for I am the food king…or prince, whichever la. While I am on this, my dear friends, please go to Brickfields’ New Lay Sin Coffee Shop for the second bestest pork mee in the world. You want to know the bestest?

In view of a pressing engagement on my side, I sorely regret not being able to join my fellow cousins to paint graves this weekend before Cheng Beng (All Souls Day). Cousins, I am deeply, extremely super duper very sorry.

I think I grew fatter. Must. Stop. Eating. Too. Many. Times. In. A. Day.

I played Counter Strike in the office. Damn fun! 3 against 3!

Zainul Nasi Kandar, near Taman Jaya's A&W, sucks. The fried chicken, right, quite hard to eat and they give you damn a lot of rice to down with tauge. What?!?

The Flaming Lips came out with a new mix LP entitled LateNightTales. I think I won't get that one. I thought I liked Spongebob and Patrick Confront The Wall Psychic of Energy but I don't.

N.E.R.D break up. Pharell Williams don't want to. The feeling is mutual with his band mates. But a dispute with their record company had caused the group to split. Anyhow, they will still continue to jam together and maybe write new songs for us to download off the Net.

Fortunately, Edwyn Collins is fine and well.

Stereophonics' album is at number One in the UK TOP 75 Album! Dakota debuted at Number One of the singles chart but has since dropped to 12th spot. Doesn't matter.

One of the bestest news I heard today; Garbage's new single is called Why Do You Love Me?
I just can't bloody wait to listen.

In seven days time, I am dragging you go CD shopping! Uh huh.

Dakota

2005-03-18T16:33:00.000+08:00

The official tracklisting

1. Turn Up The Sun 2. Mucky Fingers 3. Lyla 4. Love Like A Bomb 5. The Importance Of Being Idle 6. The Meaning Of Soul 7. Guess God Thinks I’m Abel 8. Part Of The Queue 9. Keep The Dream Alive 10. A Bell Will Ring 11. Let There Be Love

Source: nme

oasis new album ’Don't Believe The Truth’. Out May 30, preceded by a new single ’Lyla’ on May 16.

I just hope that oasis return to their roots, the very excellent 'What's The Story Morning Glory' and the not-too-bad 'Be Here Now'. 'Standing In The Shoulder Of Giants', sadly, contradicts with the title. 'Heathen Chemistry' is alright; many, many thanks to Liam Gallagher's 'Born On A Different Cloud'.

I took a break from work this morning to look for UK music updates and I read something that caught my eye, in addition to the above exclusive news. Somehow I thought Stereophonics disbanded or something. Apparently, there are some problems with their record labels, which is why you can't find some of Stereophonics albums in the stores. Those of you who managed to get 'Just Enough Education To Perform', I say to you: You damn bloody lucky man! You know what I'm sayin?

Dakota. That's the latest single by Stereophonics and I must say, it's really super. The guitar slashes that reminded me of Manic Street Preachers' 'Motorcycle Emptiness'. Kelly Jones' vocals are getting better, too. Modern rock is back with a vengeance. Go here to listen to potentially one of the best singles of 2005. It's only March and I am already anxious.

The latest effort, Stereophonics' fifth, is named 'Language. Sex. Violence. Other?'

To answer that? Stereophonics.

Believe me, the latest single is that good. Thank you, Mr Jones, for rekindling the love that almost melted along with 'You Gotta Go There To Come Back'.

Now, officially, I have a major problem. So many albums to buy, so little cash left to spend.

No Loft for me tonight. I gotta save to get em! Yeah, that's right. Uh huh.

The common look

2005-03-16T15:56:00.000+08:00

So I was nicely having dinner at a Taiwanese restaurant along Jalan Imbi talking about movies with mr tan and miss tan when suddenly mrs tan looked at me and said,

"You look like Lau Ching Wan la." All except me burst into laughter almost hitting their bowls of porridge off the table. I played nonchalant. Of course, my eyes opened bigger than normal.

Luckily, mr tan, after studying my common look, said, "No la. He looks more like a hollywood actor."

To which, I exclaimed, "Yes! You da man, uncle!" Then, all of a sudden, miss tan nudged me and whispered, "Ben Stiller la." I damn near shafted my chopstick so far up her...

Dinner was really good. The restaurant is called Fong Lye. It's quite a small place but has a very oriental feel to it. I felt like I was in Hong Kong.

After lunch at Phileo Damansara 1, which beat the food in Phileo 2 flat, I, together with my colleagues, went to check out DVDs. I saw this DVD that made my jaw dropped like its hot. (I hate that song by the way.)

Seinfeld Season 1 & 2 boxset for RM60!!! Oh My God!!!

But my wallet as usual damn super thin. So, wiping my tears, I walked out of the shop and made my way back to office with my head hung low to avoid the striking sun.

Arcade Fire

2005-03-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

Do you know what is one of THE most amazing feeling? It's when you come across a great new band. The one time I had this feeling was when miss tan introduced me to the world of mew. She took the album and said, "Eh idiot, you have got to listen to the last track!"

I was excited. I followed her to the listening station and covered my ears with the headphones. Comfort in Sound, the last track in Mew's Frengers, was and still is an opus. I loved it instantly. I had to listen to the other tracks. I fell in love with Mew and normally, if let's say I didn't have a girlfriend and surely had money, I would have bought the album instantly. But alas, I couldn't no matter how much I wanted to.

"Don't worry, Keith. I will buy it and we can share the album," miss tan said with a smile.

Now, I very action wan when it comes to music. I DON'T like to share albums. I DON'T like my albums to be in anyone's house. (By the way, it's ok you guys - you know who you are - can hold my CDs for as long as you want...)

She bought the album and I had to wait weeks to lay my hands on it. And when I got hold of the album, it was one of the greatest feelings. Mew - Frengers is a top album and I highly recommend it to you music lovers. Don't borrow, steal it!

After Mew, it was definitely The Killers, who relived the great Eighties scene.

Anyway, today I came across this band from, of all places, Montreal, Canada, and when I read the review, I had to sample the tracks. SUPERB! Simply tops!

Here's the review by Adam Webb, who gave the album 10/10.

It’s likely to incite reams of journalistic hyperbole, but, fundamentally, The Arcade Fire have recorded a great f*cking album that will piss on most other releases this year. “Funeral” is the sort of perfectly-realised record you’d hope from a band at the top of their game. For a debut release it’s unmatched in recent years. Hearing it is to wake from a black and white slumber and to view the world in widescreen Technicolour.

Recorded in the aftermath of bereavement (“My family tree’s loosing all it’s leaves”) as well as the marriage of the band’s founders Win Butler and Régine Chassagne, these ten incredible songs tackle the ‘big’ issues. Life and death and its crushing inevitability is everywhere. As Butler sings on “Neighbourhood #4 (7 Kettles)”, “Time keeps creepin’ through the neighbourhood, killing old folks, waking babies, just like we knew it would”.

Amid themes of coldness, dark, loss and innocence (the recurring images are of broken pylons, broken parents, lightning bolts and snow) “Funeral” presents a lifetime of dreams and memories. Tracing their own twin existences, Butler recounts his move from Texas to Montreal while Chassagne remembers her family and how they escaped the Haitian dictatorship of ‘Papa Doc’ Duvalier.

Quite how these Canadians (the band is completed by Richard Parry, Will Butler, Tim Kingsbury and Howard Bilerman) managed to spin such tales of personal intensity into an affecting and coherent whole is what makes this record so special. Like Brian Wilson’s “Pet Sounds”, it would be easy to view “Funeral” as a sort of genuine song-cycle – a portrayal of the seasonal-like change from adolescence’s cocoon to the hopes and fears of adulthood. “If children don’t grow up, our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up,” croons Butler at one point.

Musically too, it’s ambitious. Calling on a cast of friends (including Godspeed You Black Emperor’s Sophie Trudeau and Thierry Amar) the band alternate between huge baroque showpieces (hair-raising opener “Neighbourhood #1 (Tunnels)”, the majestical “Crown Of Love”) and rattling pop songs (“Neighbourhood #2 (Laïka)" and "Rebellion (Lies)”).

There’s shades of the Flaming Lips, Talking Heads and New Order but amidst the scraping violins, chiming xylophones and pianos there’s also a burning flame of originality. An almost desperate urge to communicate. The underlying melancholy is never unbearable because another life-affirming moment is always around the corner. And strangely, like a funeral itself, this is a life-affirming album. A reminder that time is short and transient. That each second is precious.

When Chassagne sings the string-drenched closer “In The Backseat” it sounds like she’s found peace in this miracle. Her torment of death is relieved by an acceptance of who she is, where she’s come from and that where she’s going is unknown. “I’ve been learning to drive. My whole life, I’ve been learning. Oh Norah!” It’s arguably the most beautiful moment of the album.

We’re all of us just lucky to be alive to hear it.

The album is called Funeral. The band is Arcade Fire. Go here to hear some of the best tracks (samples only unfortunately) produced this year.

I don't know about you, but it's the next album I am going to get. No money or not, so be it.

By the way, did you know that Snow Patrol released a new album? It's their first attempt at experimental music. Called The Trip created by Snow Patrol, it should be worth checking out. After all, Run was like the second "bestest" single of 2004. Spitting Games, Snow Patrol and Somebody Told Me, The Killers share "bestest" single of last year. You may say that The Killers are overplayed but how did you feel when you first heard it? Hah? Right? Aha.

Days of Yore

2005-03-11T15:12:00.000+08:00

I kept praying that I didn't have to go. Maybe because I am not a staunch Christian like the whole of Subang Jaya, maybe because I secretly wanted to go lepak, and maybe because I didn't feel like taking the LRT, my prayers refused to work.

"Keith, go to Central Market and check out something for me," said my client.
"Ok, no problem!" I said enthusiastically, remembering to hide any sarcasms or indirect mannerisms.

In about 21 minutes, I found myself waving bye bye to my boss, who fled after leaving me by the roadside. I made my way to the LRT station, muttering to myself that I wished I had a car.
Walking to the ticket counter reminded me of those days I was still studying how to fail A-Levels in Kemayan ATC. I recalled those days when we snooped around the back alley to see all these old farts pay for quickies. Unfortunately, the hookers there weren't exactly the ones you see in Thailand; more like the ones u see in Divine Brown and, oh, the back alley of ATC.

I also remembered those times where we would see dead bodies hanging from the trees or by the roadsides. Lectures got interrupted pretty often. Or at least I thought since I was always in Kota Raya playing snooker with my college buddies. Imagine, we would walk all the way from the end of Petaling Street to Kota Raya and by the time we made it back to class, we smelt like the guy who is currently walking around Peninsular Malaysia. We smelt like shit, literally.

The best part about failing A-Levels, like, bloody TWICE, a personal family record, was meeting miss tan. We would walk together to the LRT station, passing by a couple of dead bodies and almost naked sleepy beggars. It was quite the experience you know. And these experiences were indeed priceless. It made me wake up by promising myself to study harder. But, of course, it was only momentarily.

My thoughts faded when I saw the entrance. I was inside Central Market. So I did my thing and checked out this superb music store, MUSIC MAGIC, which sold the kind of music CDs you will never find in Tower Records, Victoria Music Centre, Music Valley, Salem Power Station or Rock Corner.

Aqualung. Belle & Sebastian. Mars Volta. Rooney. The Polyphonic Spree.

Kill Bill soundtrack. And You Will Know Us At The Trail Of The Dead. A whole lot of The Smiths and Sonic Youth. And, a whole lot of other great bands I just think of now that I had lunch.

Immediately, without hesistating, I whipped out my problematic but still cool Motorola and called Tim to tell him all about Music Magic. As usual, he sounded like he was James Earl Jones. Hehe...

I went to McDonald's to have lunch. All by myself. But it was quite to relive those good old days all over again. It was the same McDonald's where I courted miss tan. It was the same place I knew she liked how I looked. Ahem.

Cookie & Mr Twink

2005-03-08T19:00:00.000+08:00

It was Sunday. But it was hot. No wonder He called it Sunday.

I got dressed and made my way down. I almost tripped over Mr Twink because my annoyingly adorable cute kitten decided to loiter in the middle of the hall. Controlling my anger, I calmly asked, "Mr Twink, could you please move? Can you, like, go and lie down on the couch or something?"

Mr Twink looked at me with the most amazing bright eyes you would ever see and then began licking himself. I put my arms in the air, letting Mr Twink win. "One day, I do what I did to your brother, Graysen, than you know!" I shouted but had to stop for my mother was standing there with her frying pan.

Upon seeing the frying pan, Mr Twink suddenly stopped what he was doing and sped upstairs.

The first thing I thought now was that I could swing open the main door without worrying about Mr Twink zooming out. He was always ready to pounce upon the outside world. Sometimes I wished I had a dog.

I want a dog, a chihuahua. When I get back to my small flat, I want to hear somebody bark.
Pet Shop Boys, I want a dog, Alternative.

I grabbed the car keys and headed to Miss Tan's house. She has this cocker spaniel that sits when you tell her too. That also rolls when you tell her too. Her name is Cookie and I quite like the bitch.

After telling Cookie about my work and Mr Twink, I saw Miss Tan, who was looking very pleased that I was making an effort to get to know her pet better. I bid farewell to Cookie and entered the house. The sound of MTV greeted my arrival.

We decided to watch Saw and it was pretty interesting. Unfortunately, we did not complete it as we had to dine. After dinner, I had to rescue Brian - my younger brother and who is taller than I will ever be - from his office in Subang. So I had to leave and wonder how Saw would end.

Oh, do go and see Tim. It's quite funny but it's fictionalized. Uh-huh.

Another brick on the wall

2005-03-04T11:18:00.000+08:00

This week has been marred with heavy rain, painful blows to the heart, working deadlines, and confusion.

This week produced various quotes in my head.

Of all the gin joints in this part of towm, she had to walk into mine. Casablanca, Humprey Bogart.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. Godfather Part III, Al Pacino.

I don't know what you want but I can't give it anymore. Pet Shop Boys' Neil Tennant.

You don't throw it away just because it's banged up a little. Seabiscuit, Chris Cooper.

I want to run, I want to hide, I want to break down the walls that hold me inside. U2's Bono on Where The Streets Have No Name.

Just coz you feel it, doesn't mean it's there. Radiohead's Thom Yorke on There There.

Random thoughts that filled my daily life made vital sense in a weird sort of way. Sometimes I want someone to just provide me with an answer but I guess I will have to wait. So, I tell myself: Put your thoughts away, Keith, and draw the curtains.

Whatever. Liam Lynch. I'm just another brick on the wall. Pink Floyd's David Gilmour.

I just hope that time will pass faster than this. Maybe I should go look for a someone who can actually tell me my future. That way, I can just relax and ponder no more. And, to have a blast tonight.

Push the play button, don't rewind

2005-03-02T12:10:00.000+08:00

Is there anyone out there who doesn't like watching movies? Please don't answer that for I will only give you a three-day lecture on why movies are meant to be watched and felt.

I love movies. I simply adore it. I fancy a night out at the cinema anytime. Or at home, sipping my coffee as I sink deep in my couch and let the movie produce a whole new world for me.

You know, I have always dreamt of being an actor in either Hollywood or Hong Kongwood (since they say that Hongkies now prefer to watch actors who can speak English in a nice accent - my Malaysian accent not bad u know?). But alas, I don't have the looks and the talent. So my dream died and I hope I will never regret it. Regret leads to depression. It's something so negative that it will overpower your ability to be happy. Regrets should just stay in your library where you go back once in a while and learn from it. Don't spend too much time thinking of what you might have done or how your life would change if you had pushed the button 'B'. Think about how things have changed because you decided to push the 'A' button.

Listen, if Martin Scorsese lived to regret the movies he didn't do and won an Oscar if he did, then he would not be who he is today. Sure, he wanted an Oscar so badly that his eyebrow spoke. He could have made Ordinary People (his Raging Bull lost), Rain Man (his Last Temptation of Christ lost), Dances With Wolves (his Goodfellas lost), The Pianist* (his Gangs of New York lost), and Million Dollar Baby (his The Aviator lost).

*Roman Polanski won Best Director although Rob Marshall's Chicago went on to win the Best Picture accolade.

Suppose he regretted being a director, after all every director's dream is to have a golden statue sitting on his/her shelf, he would not have made those great, if not violent, dramas and put himself indefinitely on the list of legendary directors the world has ever seen.

Frank Sinatra did it his way (although he might have wished he wrote that song). Martin Scorsese did it his way. And, I'd like to think I did it my way.

Lifeblood

2005-03-01T07:50:00.000+08:00

The Long Green Blade is a short story that never got published. It's about a girl named Dawn Sweet, whose long green hair turns into strands of blades whenever she gets mad. Her long green blades slash people she hates. In the end, the spur of the moment resulted in the killing of her best friend. She gets really angry with herself and her long green blades take her life.

(maybe that's why it never got published) And I thought that it would make a good comic book story. Probably ten issues. So I passed the story onto my artist of a friend but he decided to get married. The Long Green Blades is thus left hanging. Until today.

Anyway...

You know, I hate it when I walk into my favourite CD store to find that I have no cash/credit card to purchase the very album I have been telling myself to save for.

I also hate it when I have the money but unable to purchase a new album simply because it's sold out.

Yesterday I was in Tower Records. I walked to the shelves and I browsed albums by artistes under 'K', 'L', 'M'...Then I stopped. My eyes opened larger than Michael Jackson's. I saw it! Manic Street Preacher's Lifeblood! I look for my wallet but could not seem to feel it. No money, so it's flat. Angry and broke, I make my way slowly but surely out of Tower Records, telling myself: You wait, Mr Tower, you just wait. I am coming back soon...

Whatever it is, picture me with arms wide open welcoming you to my blog.